Beautiful Disaster
by AGuiltyOne
Summary: He’s the Golden Boy. He’s God. It’s like he’s not even human, and he’s some heavenly being, except I’m the only one who knows the truth. I’m the only one who sees the devil in him. Oneshot songfic to 'Beautiful Disaster'


Hey guys! Grr, I hate that email alerts are mucked up at the moment!

So it's the first day of my summer vacation of my summer vacation, and I'm bored out of my mind, and I felt like writing another song-fic. The iPod went on shuffle and I got Beautiful Disaster (Live).

Disclaimer: I don't own HSM or Beautiful Disaster - I'm merely borrowing them to halt my boredom.

This is written from Sharpay's point of view, and Troy's the guy, but although no names (except Chad, briefly) are ever mentioned, you can picture it as whoever you want it to be!

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_He drowns in his dreams  
An exquisite extreme I know  
He's as damned as he seems  
And more heaven than a heart could hold  
And if I try to save him  
My whole world would cave in  
It just ain't right  
Lord, it just ain't right  
_

I tried to stop him. I tried _so_ hard, but it just wasn't enough. Nothing was.

And so now here he is, lying next to me, completely out of it, and I don't want to leave.

He needs help. I want to be the one who helps him…If he'd let me.

Running a hand down his cheek, I sigh and think about the times before - before _us._

No-one knows about us. No-one knows that he's here with me now. If he let me help him, everyone would find out, and that's it. We'd be over, the both of us ruined.

_Oh and I don't know  
I don't know what he's after  
But he's so beautiful  
He's such a beautiful disaster  
And if I could hold on  
Through the tears and the laughter  
Lord, would it be beautiful?  
Or just a beautiful disaster_

He pushes me further away each night. He doesn't mean to; I doubt he realizes that he's doing it, but he does. He's too off his head on whatever crap he's taken that night to even know his own name.

He says he hates me; I cry. He says he's sorry and that he loves me, and kisses the sensitive spot on my neck; I laugh.

He pushes me away, and I can't leave him. He's a total disaster, but he's too beautiful to leave behind.

_He's magic and myth  
As strong as what I believe  
A tragedy with  
More damage than a soul should see  
But do I try to change him  
So hard not to blame him  
Hold me tight  
Baby, hold me tight  
_

He's the Golden Boy. He's God. It's like he's not even human, and he's some heavenly being, except I'm the only one who knows the truth. I'm the only one who sees the devil in him.

He's strong; he has to be strong. He's been through so much - more than anyone should ever have to go through. His parents divorced, his mom died, his fiancée committed suicide, and now he's with me. I know I'm a disappointment to him. At East High, everyone thought I would be a star, with my own show on Broadway. Waitressing five nights a week at the IHOP is further from that than I'd ever thought I'd be.

I want to help him. I could try and change him. He deserves to change. It's not his fault. It's not his fault his parents divorced, or that his mom died, or that his fiancée committed suicide, or even that I'm a disappointment to him. I'm a disappointment to everyone.

_Oh and I don't know  
I don't know what he's after  
But he's so beautiful  
He's such a beautiful disaster  
And if I could hold on  
Through the tears and the laughter  
Would it be beautiful?  
Or just a beautiful disaster  
_

I don't know what he needs. I could stop if he wanted to, but he doesn't want to stop. His life isn't that bad, is it? If he would just let me close to him, I could find out what's wrong. I could try and help him. I know I could, and I could prove myself. I could prove that I'm not totally useless. I could prove that I love him.

He's a rollercoaster ride, but I don't want to get off. He has his ups and his downs; his fair share of tears and laughs, but if I leave, he'll be going downhill. Non-stop.

_I'm longing for love and the logical  
But he's only happy hysterical  
I'm searching for some kind of miracle  
Waited so long  
Waited so long  
_

I'm praying that he's ready to love me; ready to be serious and call me his own, but he'd rather be out with his so-called 'friends' getting stoned. It's not worth it, and he knows it. I'm longing for the day when he wakes up and realizes that it isn't worth it anymore, and he decides to stop and make something of his life. But I've already waited so long.

_He's soft to the touch  
But frayed at the end he breaks  
He's never enough  
And still he's more than I can take  
_

I run my fingers down his arm and across the back of his hand - silky soft skin, just like normal. But he's not normal. Nothing in his life is.

He's been through so much already; another big event could cause his total destruction. It's why I can't leave, because I don't know what'll happen and what he'll do.

He's not enough for me; him being in control of his life is what I want.

Even though he's not enough, I know I can't manage his constant battle with himself. I'm just one girl.

_Oh and I don't know  
I don't know what he's after  
But he's so beautiful  
He's such a beautiful disaster  
And if I could hold on  
Through the tears and the laughter  
Would it be beautiful?  
Or just a beautiful disaster_

The beeping next to me quickens, and my fingers on his hand grip onto him. This can't happen. He can't go - he has to win. He can fight this, I know he can. It's just a question of whether he wants to win. He's talked about it before, about letting that crap kill him one day. He wants it to happen, and I have no bloody clue why. He has friends who love him, or at least they want to. I glance outside - his friends are sitting there drying their tears and laughing at a joke someone, probably Chad, just made. They're so completely oblivious to everything that's going on in his life. They don't care. They didn't even question my being here; to see the guy I 'hate' most in my life.

And even though they don't know what's happened, I wish I could be like them. I wish I could hold on. I wish I could be strong.

_He's beautiful  
Lord, he's so beautiful  
He's beautiful_

I kiss my fingers softly, and press them to his lips. The rapid beeping fades into one continuous beep. It's too late.

He's just lying there. He looks so peaceful, so beautiful.

My gaze drifts to the cuts on his arms.

'BEAUTIFUL DISASTER'

He knows who he is, for that's the truth.

He really is - _was­_ - a beautiful disaster.

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Well, I hope you guys liked it! Review, and tell me your views on the pairing. Do you see it as Troy and Sharpay, or another couple?

Luv ya

Sophs

xx


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